justdonthappen

So, I don't think I can handle another single death for the rest of this year. Four people I've known and loved have died in a matter of the last four months. First, my cousin Gina, with her battle with breast cancer. My cousin Nick and wonderful friend Tiana, in a car accident, my biggest fear ever, and finally Jack, he was like a third grandfather to me, who I loved just as much as my other two. I love all of them so much and miss them everyday. It just gets harder and harder and I don't want to have to deal with all the hurt anymore; the what if's. What if I said yes to go with Tiana and Nick that day instead of "Sorry, babe, I have to work", would I have been in that accident? Or would I have prevented it from happening? They wouldn't have had to go the way that they did. What if I had said, "T, we'll go see that movie another day since I've already seen it, let's chill someplace else and watch a movie inside"; I probably could have prevented it. Now, at work, I'll never get to see Nick walk through those doors and just wink and smile at me because he knows I'm letting him in for free. Everything is just so messed up. I pray every single night Jared gets through his nightmares and I know Nykie tries to help him, but no one can bring Nick back. It just scares me to think that with all of this happening and in such a short amount a time that another person that I love can be gone too. What if it's Kate this time? Or my mom? or my Grandma? Or anyone else that I know. For real, who's gonna be next!? ME?

Let's destroy each other.
'Cause we're too cool for love lines, soft kisses over cheap wine.
Smoke me, baby, like your last cigarette.
Whisper to me, say you'll never forget.
Could you break my heart a little more?
Shove my body up against yours & kiss me like you mean it?
Anything worth a taste burns as it goes down.
Could you tell me I'm so Audrey Hepburn when my hair falls to the side?
& say "girl, I'm not here to love you tender, I'm just here for the ride".
Let's blind ourselves by love & be deaf to all who say it's fatal.
It's not that we don't know, its just that we don't care.

OK, the last thing I'll ever say about this -- kick the insecurity trip you're on, please. If you are seriously too insecure or whatever you may be because I talk to your boyfriend who I've been friends with for about three years, then you need some serious soul searching. Honestly, why do you care if I talk to him from time to time? If I wanted on him, you'd know about it. Obviously, I don't. It's just really annoying how you say things about this "situation" when you're just creating more stress for yourself. If everything is so magnificent, then why ruin it with your stupidity? Just chill. If you're so mature, you'll put an end to the worrying about something so minute and ridiculous. Treat him like he deserves to be treated; he deserves the best and don't make him settle for anything less.

I really wish the doctors knew what was wrong with me. I'm tired of being sick and having tests run and getting CAT scans and that whole mess. They need to start doing their job and stop neglecting things; it's really bothersome.

I'm really excited that I've been hanging out with Amy, Julie and Tuss lately. They're pretty sweet girls, I like 'em. :) I'm also really glad that they believe my version of the Matt vs. BreeAnne story, haha. I mean, if you're gonna make up a story at least make it believable, right? ;]

Isworeit.
breeeee<3

im content. this is what matters most to me right now.

swimming offically started today. and today is officially when im updating my livejournal consistently. but for now im going to the game in johnstown.

confusion takes place often in my head.



i hated todays game against richland. i sucked terribly.

Thanksgiving was really nice yesterday. I got up early in the morning, took a shower and did my hair, got all fancied up in a long brown, gold, and silver skirt with a brown cami and a white half button down shirt on and went to my Grandma's to eat. Russell came to my Grams and we hung out there and then we went to visit my Dad and his side of the family at my Uncle's and it was really emotional between my Dad and I. As soon as he saw me, he just started bawling and he pulled me into the bathroom to tell me how great I looked and that he's finally realizing what a "wonderful woman" I'm growing up to be. He told me I looked beautiful about a million gazillion times and then I just started crying. My mom and dad just got divorced, I mean it's not official, but the paper are signed, but he moved out and took my brother with him, so my dad has primary custody of my brother, Tyler, and my mom has primary custody of me, and we switch on weekends to see the other parent. This whole thing just made me so emotional and I hate to see my dad cry. I felt really bad for him. After my uncle's Russ and I went back to his place to have dinner with his family. His dad came and it was really nice. The meal was delicious and his mom worked her butt of getting everything done on time. I really felt like I was a part of their family, which made me feel SO special. It was just really nice to spend Thanksgiving with Russell and the people I love. How did everyone else's Thanksgiving go? Good? I hope so.

This morning I got up early and went to basketball practice, now, my pizza is done, and I'm going to go eat it. Then, I'm going to take a shower and drive over to Russell's. YAY work in like 4 bours! :(

Yesterday I had my first basketball practice of the season (a.k.a conditioning), and yes, for all of you who don't know this, it was a living HELL. You may not ever know how far you could push your body, until you have to do it, and it sucks. I hate running. I mean, look at me, of course, I hate running. Mr. Wilson wasn't at practice yesterday to condition us, which I thought WOULD have been a good thing, but I was wrong, VERY wrong. Mrs. Klezek made us run our butts off. No joke. Does anyone know how to define a "sixteen"? Highly doubtful, so I'll explain it to you; a sixteen is where the entire team runs sixteen widths of the gym in UNDER one minute. Yeah, we all die, except for a few, like the XC runners, Jillian, and Amber. Yeah, for everyone else, who sat on their butts all summer and fall and did absouletly nothing!! Yay!

Russ and I had a little quarrel today. It was stupid; details aren't worth repeating.

I'm going to eat now, because I must have burned off every ounce of carb, calorie, and sodium inside me today at practice, which wasn't very hard, because Randy conditioned, which surprisingly is better than Klezek.

"Speechless"

Feels like I have always known you
And I swear I dreamt about you
All those endless nights I was alone
It's like I've spent forever searching
Now I know that it was worth it
With you it feels like I am finally home

Falling head over heels
Thought I knew how it feels
But with you it's like the first day of my life

Cuz you leave me speechless
When you talk to me
You leave me breathless
The way you look at me
You manage to disarm me
My soul is shining through
Can't help but surrender
My everything to you

I thought I could resist you
I thought that I was strong
Somehow you were different from what I've known
I didn't see you coming
You took me by surprise and
You stole my heart before I could say no

Falling head over heels
Thought I knew how it feels
But with you it's like the first day of my life

You leave me speechless
When you talk to me
You leave me breathless
The way you look at me
You manage to disarm me
My soul is shining through
I can't help but surrender
Oh no
My everything to you

You leave me speechless
(the way you smile, the way you touch my face)
You leave me breathless
(it's something that you do I can't explain)
I run a million miles just to hear you say my name
Baby

You leave me speechless
You leave me breathless
The way you look at me
You manage to disarm me
My soul is shining through
I can't help but surrender
My everything to you



This was by far one of the greatest songs I've ever heard. It's by the Veronica's. Download it. Everyone thinks about someone when they hear it, this will just remind you more and more of them, whether that's a good or a bad thing. And you know what, I'm tired of feeling like I'm never good enough for anyone. I'm changing my negative habits like the little paragraph I wrote in my previous entry. I need to be positive once in a while. Russ, Amy, Julie, Sara, Torie, Lindsey, and Foxy make me happy.

I'm NEVER good enough for anyone. I always end up screwing things up. Everything is ALWAYS my fault. I dont even know why I try anymore. Honestly. I dont know why.

Life may not be perfect, but love is. <3


Well, things with Russell are good as usual, but things here at the house aren't too great. The situation with my parents are worsening each day and I don't have any control over it at all, doesn't that just suck?

My birthday is tomorrow! I thought to finally turn sixteen meant getting a driver's permit. Well, wasn't I just very wrong. I can't go take my test tomorrow; I don't have my social security card because someone lost it and I guess you have to have that present before you even take the test. I have to wait at least two weeks, which sucks as well. From the time you were little you always wanted to get behind the wheel of a car and you couldn't wait till the day you get to turn sweet sixteen, well, no, not for me. Oh well, I've waited for sixteen years, what's two more weeks? It's going to be painful, but I'll get through it.

Happy Birthday Steph Mosley!

I really miss the summer. Not spending 8 hours a day is tough for me anymore. I need more than this. I love Russell and I wish there were about 283473289758375 hours in a day, not 24.

My chemistry test most definetly raped me today. The A & P test was extremely easy. I wish there were more than 24 hours in a day. I hate school still. I don't know of anyone who hates it more than me. It takes up ALL of my time. It's extremo gay. haha. Anyway, Russell and I are still happy as usual and I couldn't imagine being with someone else ever again. ever. i love him. very much. hes the most important person in my life. my friends are too. i love my friends and my boyfriend. my life is semi-perfect. I just wish there were more time in the day. I never get to see Russ that much anymore. or my friends. Fridays are devoted to CC football games and a night with the girls. Saturdays there is always something with XC, but it's great. I support him and I'm so very proud of him in everything that he does. Sundays I got to church and he spends time with family. I just can't wait till XC is over and the weekends aren't so stressful. but like i said before, i hate school with a burning passion. UGH!


breana loves russito.

I'm really not liking myself right now. I'm going on a diet and no, none of you will stop me. I'm so ticked about how much bigger I have gotten and it's got to stop. I hate my life, I hate my looks, I hate everything. UGH!

russell is what i've been searching for. he's the man of my dreams. i don't know what i would do without him. yeah, you can anonymously comment and say stupid crap, but I don't want to hear it and your comments will be automatically deleted. i love russell. he's amazing and he's absouletly perfect. i couldnt ask for more.


i hate chem.


i love Message in a Bottle.


and russell of course.


plus my friends. well, the true ones, that is.

                                                                                                                                     Friends only   :)
                                                                                                                               comment to be added.

everything is so wrong right now. my world is turned upside down and I don't like it. the only thing that makes me happy anymore [in life] is russ and my friends.

School starts in a couple of days and I'm not ready. I'm not ready for summer to be over and sleeping in to go out the door so a new one can be opened. Opened to a room full of textbooks, pencils, study sheets, notes, and homework. Once I'm back, I think I'll enjoy it. I'll spend more time away from Russell and that's a fact. A fact that which will kill me. People do not understand where I'm coming from when I talk about him. They're so jealous. So jealous that someone like me could get someone like him. He's perfect. I couldn't describe him with another word. Anyone who leaves me a nasty comment like they did on my last entry will be bashed like none other. I love how everytime I'm happy there is always someone who wants to ruin it. Yay, society!

Yes, I know, what are the odd of falling in love when you're 15? I'll admit it - slim. But can't you just be happy for me because I found a person who I KNOW will last for the longest time? Jeeze. It feels like everytime I get to a point where I'm happy in life someone is always there to tear it down. Those people suck. They don't know what it's like to have a relationship with a real meaning. All of theirs are meaningless and probably ended up in distraught, confusion, and melancholy. That's not my problem. Take it out on someone who cares.

I haven't gotten to talk to Julie in a while and I miss her. She listens to what I have to say and it's hard to find friends these days that will do just that - listen. She's a good one at that.

I haven't been to a Migrations show in a while either. That disappoints to the third degree. I am regretting not doing XC. It would've been fun. Too bad. Maybe next year, maybe not. Who knows?

I'm missing the beach terribly.

Good luck and your invitational today, baby!

The beach was amazing. I never had so much fun in my entire life. There were so many firsts for me there. My first look at a real ocean, my first touch of real sand, hot sand, I might add, and the first time seeing the sunset. It was nice that I got to share those firsts with Russ even though he's seen the ocean and touched sand before. It was amazing how much I got to know him and starting to really fall in love with him. He's just one of those people I'm never going to let go of. Getting back to the beach... I didn't want to come home. The really sweet thing is that at about 4:30 in the morning and went down to the beach (we had ocean front view and a walk of 2 minutes to the beach) and wrote
"I <3 Bree" in the sand so big that I could see if from our balcony, which I got to when he woke me up at 6:00 in the morning just went the sun was being to rise and told me he had a surprise for me. Which indeed he did. I took a picture of it which you alll will be able to see even though you can't make it out that well because my zoom sucks on my digital, so. What ev.

I take for granted everyday that I have one of the sweetest, nicest, friendliest, funniest, guys I have ever met as my boyfriend, my love, my soulmate. Whatever you want to call it. I really believe this relationship willl last for the longest time. We have our fights, though seldom, but we always work things out in the end. I have never loved someone so much as I do him. He makes me happy. =]

I'm leaving for the beach tomorrow morning and I'll have a HUGE picture update when I return on the 11th. I'm excited. I'm going to with Russell and his family and it should be a lot of fun. It's my first time EVER to the beach.